The devil guilt tripped me of my aunt’s death. 12th of September 2021, after I heard Rev’d Peter Ayo Alabi teach at God’s heritage of faith church Ikeja Lagos on a sunday, I had a very strong urge to speak with big mummy as she has been sick. All through the service, I kept muttering tongues under my breath during service and I was praying for her; basically praying for her healing. As Rev’d was preaching, I just knew I had to let her hear the message. I wrote out the major highlights of the sermon note when I got home and I decided to put a call through to her as you know according to the scripture, faith cometh by hearing and hearing by the word of God. There’s no healing without faith and because I wanted to pump up faith in her heart, I called her, read out to her the major highlights and the confessions I coined out from the sermon to her. That was the longest call we have ever had since she was sick. She responded with so much enthusiasm that left me more encouraged.
From her words, her faith was rock solid. She said to me Dolapo I know I will not die, this sickness will not be my end, I will live long, the devil has just tried but he didn’t know he already failed because I am a victor. I said yes yes, mum, keep on with these words. My emphasis to her was dont let the enemy get you to start saying words that negate all you have said because of the pain you feel in your body. Even in the pain, keep on with the words. I prayed with her, she also prayed for me and I ended the call at 16mins 18 seconds. After I ended the call, the urge was still there so I remembered one of the word that was emphasized in church was no matter what comes your way always say I Choose Life. I started pacing round the room praying and saying I choose life for mum till I couldn’t count. I didn’t know that was the last time I will hear from her 😭
13th September 2021, very unusual of my uncle’s wife at around Past 5 in the morning, she walked into my room and kept taking deep sigh. What is it? What’s happening? What happened? She said she just received a call and I am like okay…. what was the call about? She kept quiet and left my room. I picked up my phone called my sisters, they said they are also suspecting that something happened but no one is talking. Called my mum, asked her if there’s any problem she said No just that she’s about to have her bath and leave for Ibadan. I asked why? She said that they rushed her sister to the hospital again so she has to go and stay with her. I called my dad he said the same thing. I was relaxed and said maybe that was why I had a strong urge to talk with her and pray for her yesterday then I began to pray again. While I was praying, I became so restless. I started making calls again and the story each person said was different so I became very suspicious. I was telling my uncle’s wife that I know something is up that she should just tell me already but she didn’t. Eventually, my uncle came and broke the news that mum went to be with the lord in the early hours of the day. I shouted, fell on my knees and cried. But in my tears I knew it wasn’t a time to question God but the song in my heart was You are a good good father, that’s who you are. Even as I write this, the memory is fresh and my eyes are teary because nothing compares to the heart mum had. Heart for God, heart for people, heart for anyone she comes in contact with. Memories that I have of her started flashing in my face and it began to dawn on me that I wouldn’t see her again and that made me cry the more. I have never cried the way I cried on this day. On my way to work, even while I was at work, I kept going to the restroom because that was where I could let it all out without been seen.
I started feeling guilty about her death. I said I should have prayed longer yesterday, that if only I had prayed longer she would still be here and that fueled my tears the more. It took a proper teaching from church to let go of the guilt devil was imposing on me. I struggled with it and I couldn’t tell anybody that was my major struggle after her death. It’s been a year without you mum, I miss you so much, everybody does. I heard you received the most phone call a day to your death. Apparently I wasn’t the only one that was pressed to call you a day before. There’s hardly no day you don’t come up in my thoughts. I replay many of your memories in my head and I laugh about them. They are only good memories. It’s been a year you have been in heaven. I know it’s beautiful and far better than what we have here. Now, you have become a cloud of witness. Testimonies that people have said about you are a testament of your kind heart and good deeds towards humanity. Divine and rere are here now..how you longed to see them. With you, I always say the devil really lost because he forgot death isn’t the end. I am so sure I would see you again because in our tribe death isn’t the end. We are the never die gang. In death, you are loved and your memories will forever be cherished.
Keep resting mum.
